So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
