Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
