yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Send help, water and tortillas.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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