Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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