I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
