i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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