i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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