I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
