I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
