I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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