the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
