i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
