when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
