matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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