Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
