I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
