The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
