All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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