There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
