No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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