1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
