What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
