Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
