I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
