I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
