You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
