I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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