Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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