Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Houston, we have a squirter
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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