Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Your cock deserves a montage
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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