In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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