he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
