We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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