the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
