I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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