And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
