I seem to have left my pride at pride
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
