dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
