you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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