Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
