made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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