I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
