I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
