Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
