you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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