may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
