Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
