she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
