I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
