He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
